spirits that speak

12.06.2005

where it's at

as much as a i hate to admit it, cranky mom is right. i created this blog as a more introspective alternative to my other one. well, that was before i got fired from my last job.

after getting fired, my inspiration pretty much disappeared. and i'm not one to force inspiration. but, i could just post where i'm at currently. honestly i'm feeling completely depleted. i'm kind of lost in regard to what i should do with my occupation.

i was really happy to know what i wanted to do with the rest of my life when i was in the 9th grade. the plan all came together well. and every step worked out until i graduated from Bible College. that's where everything kind of stopped flowing properly.

i didn't get any of the jobs i applied for (or was even interviewed/considered for any of them). what i have reduced my life to is simply paying the bills. don't get me wrong. this is how many people live their lives (including my parents), and i don't think it's any less honorable than anything else. but it wasn't what i felt my calling was.

now i feel forced to think my calling has either changed or isn't what i thought it was. i have come to accept that, though. i am absolutely happy to think that my calling is different than what i thought it was. what still leaves a lack of satisfaction is not knowing what my calling is. am i a writer?

the problem is that my life feels incomplete. there seems to be a void and i believe strongly it's in the occupation department. i feel like there's something i should be doing that would make better use of the gifts and strengths God gave me...what that is is what i'm in the process of trying to understand.

4 Comments:

  • Whoa! I really didn't know you felt that way. I will pray that you will get some direction soon. Have you ever considered that you may need to go through some "desert" time? - kinda like Moses?

    By Blogger Shiny Beamer, at 17:27  

  • sorry about the problems with getting your comment added. it looks like i fixed the problem and the comments you post should go up right away now.

    i appreciate your thoughts and prayers. and, yes, i have considered what you're suggesting. as a matter of fact, it's the only thought that's giving me any hope right now.

    problem is that the desert time suffered by moses and his people (if i understand you to be refering to time i'm thinking of) was brought on by repeated disobedience...wasn't it? maybe i need to revisit the story, but that's what i recall.

    and, if that's the case, i have to keep asking myself what i'm doing...

    By Blogger johnny m, at 09:34  

  • I suppose I am one to force inspiration. Well, hang on a minute. Perhaps more precisely I make decisions that some people consider "unstable" and indeed they are unstable sometimes. Chan and I have experienced much upheaval in the past few months. There has been something inspiring and something exhausting in it all. I think Christians can have boldness in making decisions under a soveriegn God. Not sure what that looks like for everyone. There can also be great rewards in great patience. Gotta go. I am invigilating exams as a part time job. Someone had an anxiety attack in the last one. Its pressure cooker out there!

    By Anonymous indiefaith, at 10:37  

  • Yes, Moses kinda went off the path - but isn't it such a comfort to know that God still pursues us and continues to give us chances to go His way? Keep looking for the "burning bush" - I believe it's coming. And don't forget to take your sandals off, bro!

    By Blogger Shiny Beamer, at 17:29  

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