where it's at
as much as a i hate to admit it, cranky mom is right. i created this blog as a more introspective alternative to my other one. well, that was before i got fired from my last job.
after getting fired, my inspiration pretty much disappeared. and i'm not one to force inspiration. but, i could just post where i'm at currently. honestly i'm feeling completely depleted. i'm kind of lost in regard to what i should do with my occupation.
i was really happy to know what i wanted to do with the rest of my life when i was in the 9th grade. the plan all came together well. and every step worked out until i graduated from Bible College. that's where everything kind of stopped flowing properly.
i didn't get any of the jobs i applied for (or was even interviewed/considered for any of them). what i have reduced my life to is simply paying the bills. don't get me wrong. this is how many people live their lives (including my parents), and i don't think it's any less honorable than anything else. but it wasn't what i felt my calling was.
now i feel forced to think my calling has either changed or isn't what i thought it was. i have come to accept that, though. i am absolutely happy to think that my calling is different than what i thought it was. what still leaves a lack of satisfaction is not knowing what my calling is. am i a writer?
the problem is that my life feels incomplete. there seems to be a void and i believe strongly it's in the occupation department. i feel like there's something i should be doing that would make better use of the gifts and strengths God gave me...what that is is what i'm in the process of trying to understand.
after getting fired, my inspiration pretty much disappeared. and i'm not one to force inspiration. but, i could just post where i'm at currently. honestly i'm feeling completely depleted. i'm kind of lost in regard to what i should do with my occupation.
i was really happy to know what i wanted to do with the rest of my life when i was in the 9th grade. the plan all came together well. and every step worked out until i graduated from Bible College. that's where everything kind of stopped flowing properly.
i didn't get any of the jobs i applied for (or was even interviewed/considered for any of them). what i have reduced my life to is simply paying the bills. don't get me wrong. this is how many people live their lives (including my parents), and i don't think it's any less honorable than anything else. but it wasn't what i felt my calling was.
now i feel forced to think my calling has either changed or isn't what i thought it was. i have come to accept that, though. i am absolutely happy to think that my calling is different than what i thought it was. what still leaves a lack of satisfaction is not knowing what my calling is. am i a writer?
the problem is that my life feels incomplete. there seems to be a void and i believe strongly it's in the occupation department. i feel like there's something i should be doing that would make better use of the gifts and strengths God gave me...what that is is what i'm in the process of trying to understand.
posted by johnny m at
18:43
4 Comments:
Whoa! I really didn't know you felt that way. I will pray that you will get some direction soon. Have you ever considered that you may need to go through some "desert" time? - kinda like Moses?
By
Helen Mueller, at 17:27
sorry about the problems with getting your comment added. it looks like i fixed the problem and the comments you post should go up right away now.
i appreciate your thoughts and prayers. and, yes, i have considered what you're suggesting. as a matter of fact, it's the only thought that's giving me any hope right now.
problem is that the desert time suffered by moses and his people (if i understand you to be refering to time i'm thinking of) was brought on by repeated disobedience...wasn't it? maybe i need to revisit the story, but that's what i recall.
and, if that's the case, i have to keep asking myself what i'm doing...
By
johnny m, at 09:34
I suppose I am one to force inspiration. Well, hang on a minute. Perhaps more precisely I make decisions that some people consider "unstable" and indeed they are unstable sometimes. Chan and I have experienced much upheaval in the past few months. There has been something inspiring and something exhausting in it all. I think Christians can have boldness in making decisions under a soveriegn God. Not sure what that looks like for everyone. There can also be great rewards in great patience. Gotta go. I am invigilating exams as a part time job. Someone had an anxiety attack in the last one. Its pressure cooker out there!
By
Anonymous, at 10:37
Yes, Moses kinda went off the path - but isn't it such a comfort to know that God still pursues us and continues to give us chances to go His way? Keep looking for the "burning bush" - I believe it's coming. And don't forget to take your sandals off, bro!
By
Helen Mueller, at 17:29
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