after guided meditation - saturday

i’m not really sure how i feel right now. i broke down during guided meditation. had to leave the room because i couldn’t hold back the sobs anymore. so i went to the bathroom and wept. there’s a bit of relief now, although i still feel a heaviness in me so it’s likely temporary. arranging a time to talk to jamie this afternoon and tell him about the things i’ve been feeling. it’s possible that my soul needs to breathe. maybe all this time i’ve been keeping it in some kind of chamber where the oxygen is very conservatively controlled and it’s constantly on the verge of suffocation. when i went to the chapel last night, there was a candle that was under a very solidly colored cover. it had the effect of the candle being very dim but still clearly “lit”...just not beaming the way an open candle would be. that’s how i think my spirit feels at this time. now it’s off to mid-day prayer with the sisters from the monastery.