after morning prayer – saturday

i’m enjoying everything that’s going on at this retreat, but starting to get a hint of what’s going inside me. while i was away at bible college, i got involved in prayer. during prayer, i would often sob or even weep and got a very clear sense that this was for those who were suffering something in silence. or experiencing some kind of stress. however, during the times of liturgy or prayer (whether at church or here) i’m starting to realize that i’ve been crying for me. there’s a heaviness and a sadness that i’m starting to pick up on from my soul. i have some ideas about why it’s there, but i don’t yet feel hopeful that i will get away from it. it feels like i’ve been chained to the worlds heaviest boulder and will never get away. i pray that i do, but also that if it takes some time that i don’t make my family suffer because of it. off to guided meditation now.