spirits that speak


i know something will kill me

well, i know it won't be alcohol
although i enjoy it once in a while
but it doesn't have the same hold
it does for some who bear the trial.

i doubt that for me it will be love
although i know that some it kills
some say it heals and maybe prove
although i've felt its pain and thrills.

it could be food and maybe the cigar in my hand
the doctors they would try to tell me that
they maybe right but could also build on sand
it's possible but i think here's where the answer's at.

there is still one thing it's nothing new
i've even seen the knife
it's the biggest killer i know it's true
i think what'll kill me is life.

musical meditations

so, once in a while i hear a song that really hits home for me. for one reason or another, it speaks to me.

heard this one again for probably the hundredth time the other night while smoking a cigar. damien jurado's music does really have great lyrics, but for some reason this one stood out. find a way to hear the song if you can. apparently youtube doesn't have it:

damien jurado - bad dreams

I have fell victim to you
Troubles I have seen, many years
From high windows I have called you
So come, save me from this fire

Forget all who hurt you, they don't know you
Come rest your tired body in my arms
From the bedroom I have called you
So come, save me from this fire

And I have bad dreams
I've done so many bad things
So come, save me from this fire

searching for church

well, doesn't it all just figure. if you've been reading some of my previous posts, you know that i found a church while i was in winnipeg that i felt truly at home in. this place was the real deal. it's crazy that it took me 32 years to find my home, but i found it.

so, anyway, i've now moved far away from winnipeg and i'm back at square one. i'm looking for that kind of place. i don't imagine it would have to be exactly the same. it would be great if it was similar, but i don't think it has to be. it's just...back to work.

i guess what i find most difficult is "where to begin...". at the very least, i think i definitely know i'm anglican. i really love a lot of the liturgy, particularly in the book of alternative services. but the politics are different here. it's actually easy to think there were no politics at my previous church. i do believe that, but it wouldn't surprise me if i found out that it had some. it's hard to get away from politics when people are involved. but out here...once you dig deep enough, it's a bit of a pressure cooker. there is one particular issue that drives it and unfortunately it's an issue that too many people have an opinion on (especially me).

so i'm back to searching. i think there may be a place i could settle for a little while, but it's hard to tell right now. either way i don't know that it will be home. probably not even home away from home.

i have to think that God knew i would be moving before i found the last place. so there will always be the question of why He would let me find it so late or why i wouldn't get a stronger urge to go there sooner. but it's typical to think that way. really, i knew about the place and was too lazy to check it out sooner. i have myself to blame but i still ask why.

so, here i am. looking. it's still very early in the process. it's not a process that i like that much, and i definitely don't know the first thing about doing it right. i can only hope that if something that special comes up again, or is in my peripheral vision, that i'll have the stones to check it out as early as possible next time and give myself enough time to stay for a while longer.