spirits that speak

12.11.2006

thoughts on leading a double life

so i saw the departed again this weekend. it's still just as great.

but there's a thought that keeps recurring the more i think about the movie. it occured to me after the first time i saw it and still makes me think.

both leonardo dicaprio and matt damon do the same thing in the movie, but from the opposite perspective. damon is working for the mob and gets a job as a police officer supervising undercover work, while dicaprio is dedicated to his job as an undercover police officer and goes to work for the mob. they both lead a double life and seem to have to work equally hard on both fronts to make their performances for both the police and the mob believable.

this made me think about my life the way i'm currently living it. of course, i'm not a cop or tied to the mob in any way. but i am a Christian working in a place of employment where that's the least popular thing to be. as a result, i have endeavored to be true to my beliefs but at the same time be real with people and not "out" myself to too many. when i do "out" myself, i make sure that i do it in a such a way that doesn't antagonize people.

but as is the case with damon and dicaprio (and another example would be johnny depp in donnie brasco), the lines start to blur after a while. i've been trying so hard to maintain my "cover" while at the same time making sure my alter ego doesn't eat the real me alive.

if i had to defend this approach, i will admit i would have a hard time. but, i have come to the conclusion that, at the place where i work, this approach is best at the moment. those of you who believe in prayer are welcome to pray that i am doing the right thing and that I will not allow my faith to fade.

up next, i'm working on a review of the movie that's most recently impacted my life after i saw it for the first time. i'll have that ready soon...it's my review of the nativity story.

2 Comments:

  • first: two posts in one day?! thanks!

    second: you are not alone in your struggle to be real. Correct me if i'm wrong, but that's what i got out of your rant/post. i will pray for you. the struggle you are talking about is something Paul could relate to when he said we should be in the world but not of the world... and become all things to all people. I feel a tension there don't you?

    third: don't give up. continue to trust in mercy/grace, hope, love, and even if all of those fail, worship. because whatever the outcome, He is worthy.

    By Blogger adangomiadonye, at 22:17  

  • yeah, i definitely see some tension in becoming all things to all people. i am hesitant to relate that thought to my own personal struggle because i don't think many in the church would agree. don't get me wrong, deep down i think that's what's going on, i just don't normally admit it publically.

    thanks for your words of encouragement. there's wisdom in them. in a way i wish i knew who you were, but in another more important way it really doesn't matter too much because the meaning behind what you wrote far outweighs the importance of the author's identity.

    By Blogger johnny m, at 08:55  

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