money for nothing

well, i recently applied for a promotion at work. it was a long, arduous process for me. i'm a bit exhausted.

finally, after about a month of waiting, i have been told i didn't make the cut. there were 8 spots for the position i applied for. the reason i was denied was simply a technicality. it came down to experience in 1 particular aspect of the job. the others who were offered a position were much more experienced than me in that aspect.

i expected to be extremely depressed if this were to happen. i've worked so hard for it. spent so much time agonizing over it. but i'm actually not that upset...i'm a little surprised. it's actually kind of a peaceful feeling.

it means the summer will be very hard because my wife is a teacher who is laid off from june-september, so the money would have been what really saved us from some hardship and stress. i still don't know how we're gonna pull it off. ironically, i feel that God is good to me in this news. not sure how. it really doesn't make sense to me, since i'm not an optimistic person by any stretch of the imagination.

don't get me wrong. disappointment still lingers, but it's more of a residue than a mud covering me entirely like i expected. perhaps i'm just numb from the shock of the whole process finally being over. i don't really know.

all i know is i feel okay. whatever comes later will come no matter what. i guess i'm not worried because i don't care. wow, what a useless post. i'll try to write something meaningful another time. k?