spirits that speak


Out of the Silent Planet

Out of the Silent Planet

Well, I guess the only way that I'm going to write a post is to be completely honest. So here it is...

I haven't felt like I've heard God speak to me in quite a long time. This is something that I've been thinking about lately. I think I even kinda forgot what he sounds like.

There used to be a certain place I go to and I could actually feel like He's nearby. Now, when I go there, it feels like I'm completely alone.

I'm beginning to wonder if this is an intentional silence. Like he's left me to fend for myself for a while. I guess I'd be ok with that if that's what it was. To be completely honest, if I knew that was the case I'd wait it out and see what happens.

But if that's what it is, why not give me some warning? Like "Hey, You're not gonna hear from me for a while but don't panic. I'll be back after you learn some valuable lessons." Unfortunately I don't think that's the case here.

Then my mind tries to process this. Have I been more bad than I used to be? I've always had some guilt/conviction about the quality of my "walk". But even when that was the case, and justified, I still had "the voice".

Now, when my heart and mind are quiet, I hear barely anything. Maybe an echo of what I once heard, reminding me that it's still not really there. I'm sure I'm being melodramatic, but it's really starting to feel like I'll be "on my own" for good.

To be honest I'm starting to feel like King Theoden in Lord of the Rings and I'm wondering if something will eventually bring me out of this. What was that expression about being "up" a certain creek without a paddle?


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